We can all agree that the office suck-up is one of the more insufferable coworkers.

Their outward flattery is egregious and their lack of self-awareness even moreso. And for the most part, everyone, including your boss, can see right through it.

But every once in a while, there comes a highly-skilled, well-trained suck-up who shatters our expectations. Their praise is subtle and effective, their jokes land and the higher-ups fall for it hook, line, and sinker.

In the blink of an eye, they’re on coffee runs with your boss and play tennis with him after hours.

What the fuck are they doing that you aren’t?

They’re a suck-up scientist, using nuanced techniques to stroke the ego of those in power, and it works.

So here are five of those techniques you can implement tomorrow to start climbing your way to the top.

But First, Rethink The Suck-Up

Before that, you need to rethink what it means to be a suck-up. See yourself as the colleague above and you won’t get very far.

You’re not sucking up, you’re “managing upwards”, which, as described by the Harvard Business Review, means “being the most effective employee you can be, creating value for your boss and your company.”

That’s all it is, with a little added ego-stroking.

5 Scientifically Proven Ways to Suck Up

Enough of that.

Here they are. 5 of the most effective techniques for subtle and effective sucking up. Some of these are more advanced, so don’t expect them to work right away. All in good time.

1. Frame your flattery as advice-seeking

You can’t just stroll over to your boss and tell them how amazing they are. That’s a little cringeworthy and they’ll see right through it.

Instead, you can disguise your flattery as advice-seeking. Tell them how good they are by leveraging their endless wisdom.

“How were you able to pull off that strategy so successfully” is much better than “Gosh you’re good”.

You’ll hide your underlying motive to suck up and sufficiently tickle their ego in the process.

2. Pre-warn your target that you are going to flatter him or her

No, we’re not saying to literally warn them about the flattery you’re going to hurl their way.

Instead, you’ll jokingly hit them with something like:

• “You are going to hate me for saying this but… [flattery]”

• “I know you won’t want me to say this but… [flattery]”

• “I don’t want to embarrass you but… [flattery]

You get the picture.

3.  Repeat the opinion that your target expressed earlier to a colleague

You can’t just agree with everything your boss says, and you shouldn’t want to either.

So what can you do?

When you find out your boss’s opinion on a particular matter, let’s say from a colleague who met with them earlier, bring up that same topic and opinion to them the next time you meet, ideally before they’ve had a chance to do so. They’ll be duly impressed with the sharpness of your analysis.

4. Compliment your boss to one of his friends

Swap “gosh, you’re good”, for “gosh, he’s good”.

Say this to one of his friends. Do this correctly and that friend is likely to, at some point, mention to your boss “he sure thinks highly of you”. And since you did not say this to his face, he might actually think you were trying to avoid brown-nosing him.

This, however, is an advanced technique, so don’t expect it to go this smoothly first try.

5. Engage in value conformity

What we mean by this is that you start a discussion with your boss by expressing commitment to a cause, institution, or other code of conduct that you know they feel strongly about.

For example, if your boss is a family man, talk about how important family is to you.

Again, this is an advanced technique, so pick your moments. Don’t start talking about the importance of family when you’re at a work lunch discussing a project.

You want to play to your boss’ in-group out-group bias. If they see you as being in the same ‘group’ as them, whether it’s through shared values or something as simple as supporting the same footy team, then, like all humans, they’ll look at you more favourably.

And that’s about it, cya.