Happy Monday

How are we all?

See that person over there? Opposite you on the train. What are the odds you go and talk to them right now? Zero?

This one’s for you then.

Stranger Danger.

It’s what every child’s been told since day one. And it’s sound advice. Cheers, Mum. 

What follows is twenty years of safe-guarded relationship building. We choose our friends and have little expectation to interact meaningfully with anyone.

However, everything changes the moment we step into the office. Suddenly, we’re surrounded by strangers of different ages, cultural backgrounds, and interests. And you’re with them eight hours a day, five days a week. 

You may be a 21-year-old who’s only there for some travel money, but next to you is 40-year-old virgin Phil who looks like he hasn’t showered in a week.

In the blink of an eye what was once a safety measure becomes a critical skill for success.

Expectations Matter

For many, befriending a room of strangers is like seeing Mark in lycra, it’s terrifying and anxiety-inducing. 

And who can blame them?

Why would we expect anything we say to be of interest or value to a building full of people older, wiser, and infinitely busier than us?

So we converse with apprehension and laugh awkwardly, reinforcing our worries. 

But what if we’re wrong? 

Most of us overestimate how awkward our interactions with strangers will be. Like most, they value positive social interaction, are open to deeper conversation, and if anything, oppose the shallow alternative. 

Don’t get carried away though. Mark doesn’t need to know about your Uber-destroying vomit from Saturday night.

How Do You Start the Conversation?

For many, this is half the battle. What do you actually say?

“Hello” - Yes, it is that simple…

Remember, there’s almost always going to be something that you can pluck out of your surroundings to use in conversation. Think of it like a triangle. There’s you, them, and that something.

Asking someone about their feelings or thoughts almost always sets the stage for a more interesting, longer-lasting conversation. 

Let’s say you’re at a team event and Dianne starts assaulting the canapes.  

“What do you think about Dianne over there? She’s eaten about 15 Arancini balls and they haven’t finished serving the starters yet.” 

The phrasing is important. We’re not just making a blank statement about Dianne’s Arancini addiction, we’re asking what the person thinks about it. We’re enquiring. We seem interested.

How to Bail If Things Turn Sour

Fast forward. The conversation has reached its end and it’s time to move on. How do we make a quick, clean exit? 

Again, our perceptions make this much harder than it needs to be, so much so that a simple goodbye can seem awkward or rude. 

Remember, you don’t owe anyone an explanation for leaving.

Pro tip: keep something they’ve said in your back pocket for when it’s time to leave.

Let’s say Mark has been telling you about his wife at the team event.

“Mark, it really was a pleasure, enjoy the rest of your evening, and send my best to Jenny, she seems like a real gem”.

Of course, there are times you’ll need to grit your teeth and stick it out but you should never have to explain yourself when the time to leave comes. 

That’s it, get out of here.