So your boss hates you.

That sucks.

What do you do about it?

Who knows?

We do.

So don’t fret, that’s what today’s email is about.

Why Don’t They Like You?

Maybe you messed up on a big project? Perhaps you’re the victim of a rumor? Who knows, the office can be a vicious place.

Whatever it is, if your boss hates you, then it’s likely for one of two reasons:

1. They don’t trust you

2. They struggle to connect with you

If Trust is the Issue

You have to consider the possibility that the disconnect you’re feeling stems from a lack of confidence in you. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but it’s reality. And if that’s the case, the signs should be fairly overt.

For example:

• They assign you lover quality work than your peers.

• They micro-manage you more closely than others.

• They pair you with a seemingly well-trusted colleague for important projects.

• They’re stingy with credit, and even worse, with opportunities for growth or promotion.

Not fun.

So how do you rehab this?

Start by clarifying expectations.

There’s a chance your boss hasn’t been very clear about what they wanted from you in your role. This is good because it means you probably aren’t a shitty employee, you've just misunderstood things.

Easy fix here.

Whether it’s in a meeting or a performance review, have your boss lay out exactly what they want to see from you by asking something as simple as:

“What kind of contribution are you seeking from someone in my role?”

Or…

“How could I add more value in this job?”

Or…

“What areas do you see as most important for me to develop?

Don’t overcomplicate it.

Further, if you’re copping the short end of the stick with crummy assignments, don’t protest. The last thing you want is to put your boss on the defensive, set off their confirmation bias, and cause them to pay attention to all the reasons why you shouldn’t be doing more challenging work.

Instead, be transparent and forthcoming if you’re struggling. Your gut might say otherwise, but surprising your boss with bad news if you burn out or fail the project will further damage your relationship versus if you came to them earlier.

If Connection Is The Issue

What if your boss just doesn’t like you? Let’s give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you’re not a complete dickhead. Then what?

Signs you and your boss just don’t get along include:

• They avoid spending time or interacting with you - they make a b-line for the exit when you walk into the coffee room with them.

• They sit in silence at the beginning of the Zoom call while waiting for others to join.

• They just don’t relate to you because of age, culture, or interests - this is an especially common qualm for grads given their age difference.

One quick note: Before you conclude that your boss doesn’t like you, make sure you notice real differences between how they treat you versus others. Some bosses are socially awkward nerds who come across as cold.

Let’s this for you.

Your goal? Build rapport.

Start by engaging in conversations about work issues. Pay attention to which topics get their attention and energy and create an opportunity to tap into that excitement.

Side note: you probably couldn’t give less of a fuck about said issues, especially if you’re a grad, but bit your tongue and pretend you do.

For example, “I think your experience in R&D is really interesting. What part of the R&D mindset do you think we could apply in our work?”

I almost fell asleep typing that.

Sticking with work-related areas of interest will make your inquiries seem less awkward than if you were to start probing about your boss’ personal life. After some initial rapport has been built, then you can think about getting a little more personal.

In short, if you want your boss to like you, like them first.

One final note: while you’re working on your relationship with your boss, invest in your relationships with coworkers.

Why?

Because it’s hard for your boss to maintain a poor image of you if your colleagues think you’re a big asset to the team.

That’s about it, cya.