How to Disagree with Someone More Powerful Than You
How grads can stand up to their boss.
Remember that time as a kid, when you finally had enough. When you mustered up the courage to tell your mum you didn’t want to eat your broccoli. And how she borderline turned into Shrek and put the fear of God in you? Of course you do.
This is the reaction many grads expect when they finally decide to push back against their superior, as if pushback is some unreasonable behavior they haven’t yet earned the right to voice. This isn't reality.
However, there is an art to it. So today, we’ll show you how to push back in a way that keeps you employed and Shrek in his swamp.
Assess the Risks
Instinct often pushes us away from confrontation. We fear the resulting consequences and know not to engage. In the workplace, however, these fears are overplayed. Middle management Mike isn’t some crazy autocrat. He’s not going to fire you for a little criticism.
Yet worry persists. So what do you do?
Invert the anxiety.
Wtf does that mean?
We tend to focus on the risk of saying something. That the critique is imbued with risk because it’s what could trigger an adverse reaction from Mark.
Instead, flip it and think about opportunities you and your team could lose if you don’t say something.
Maybe Mark goes through with that doomed-to-fail project, it bombs, and the whole team looks bad.
Of course, if your boss is known to be vindictive or hot-headed, then maybe give it a miss. However, in most cases, all could have been resolved with a little productive pushback.
When and Where to Voice Disagreement
A few things to consider here.
Before all else, wait.
What does waiting do? It allows you to keep things cool especially if you’re frustrated by a given decision.
It means you can research facts, find allies, and build a stronger, substantiated case if the matter calls for it.
Maybe Dianne’s had similar frustrations for months and hasn’t been able to voice them. Boom. Two’s better than one.
It also means you can take the time to find the right environment. For example, a private meeting, be it a teams call or coffee run, is far less threatening than if you were to air your criticisms in public.
What to Say
So what do you say?
Start by clearly restating the original idea or proposal.
This serves one purpose. It shows you understand what’s about to be discussed.
There’s nothing more embarrassing than launching a counterattack on something you've completely misunderstood.
Ask for permission to disagree.
Something like “I’d like to lay out my reasoning. Would that be ok?” should do the trick.
This allows the superior to opt into the conversation without feeling threatened. You aren’t just going all out on the offensive.
Connect your idea to a shared goal.
Something like quarterly earnings or company morale.
This refocuses the discussion on accomplishing goals that are in the team or organization's best interest, not your contrary opinion.
How to Say It
Here’s where it becomes an art.
Stay calm and humble.
You want to project confidence and neutrality but also show that you recognize that this is just your opinion. This leaves room for dialogue and invites curiosity rather than defensiveness.
Phrases like “I’m just thinking out loud here” or “Tell me where I’m wrong on this, but…” work well.
Share facts, not judgments
Make it your goal to state your case without using a single adjective, especially loaded ones, like “foolish”, “naive”, and “wrong”.
For example, instead of saying “I think making a big purchase now is hasty”, we could opt for something like, “We can see that prices are dropping. If we wait a little longer, we may be able to save some money.”
Remember, it’s all a balancing act between backing your opinion and acknowledging their authority. That’s the sweet spot. Do it the right way and it will show initiative, independence, and well-considered thought, all of which will elevate your relationships and standing in the office.
That’s it, cya.