Morning all.

How the hell is it already Tuesday?

Speaking of Tuesdays, today, we’re tackling the passive-aggressive coworker, perhaps the most punchable person in the office.

And here he is…

Meet Simon

This is dickhe… apologies, typo. This is Simon. He works in Tech Sales. 

Fun fact. Simon’s dad has played 18 holes with CEO Nigel every Sunday for 15 years. Woah! They must be close. 

Simon feels a little insecure about his employment. 

His second home is Ryan’s bar and he’s wisely self-excluded from his local. 

Working with Simon can be tough. He’s fond of an eyeroll and it often feels like you’ve done something to upset him. Well, have you? Who knows. Simon certainly doesn’t give much of an indication. What he does do is insist that this is all in your head. 

He’s your quintessential passive-aggressive tosser. The sort that makes an already dull 40-hour workweek feel like an eternity. 

So today, we’ll show you how to deal with your office Simon so you can get back to work and hopefully, hate your job a little less.

Seek to Understand

We hear you. This is the most frustrating thing you’ll read today, but it’s true. The best way to ‘deal with’ Simon, is to try and understand where his passive-aggression comes from and what motivates it. 

Why? 

Because passive aggression is frustratingly indirect. Real emotion is hidden behind childish behavior, making it hard to intuit what the core of the issue is. 

If you misunderstand it, chances are you’ll eventually react in a way that fuels more of it. 

And also, most people aren’t complete dickheads. If they’re acting this way, there’s probably a reason. 

So what is it? 

Passive aggression is a set of emotions that can’t be shared constructively and typically arises when there is no direct acceptable avenue for someone like Simon to exercise his true feelings. 

Let’s pretend it’s the end of the quarter and you’re having a team meeting to review performance. You’re a Lukewarm Regards reader, so naturally, you’ve smashed your KPIs while Simon hasn’t. When you receive praise, Simon rolls his eyes and jokes about ‘your overly relaxed work style’.

Simon is missing a chromosome. Tragic, we know. Because of this, he lacks the communication skills required to address his gripes like an adult, so he feels restricted, insecure, and inferior.

When you understand his behavior, it’s much easier to feel sorry for Simon than frustrated.

Don’t Take the Bait

As hard as it may be, don’t react. This is what Simon wants. A reaction gives him something to undermine. That’s when you’ll start to hear things like “I don’t have a problem with you, I was just joking”.

Calm humility paves the path to conflict resolution.

So try to model the behavior you want to see in Simon. If you’re impenetrable to his remarks, he can only lob his passive-aggressive grenades for so long.

Communicate Assertively

Let’s say you follow everything above but the behavior persists or even worsens. Sometimes, there’s nothing left to do but have the chat. 

Communicate assertively, not aggressively. 

Why? 

Because assertive communication is the antithesis of passive aggression. It’s direct. So it’s a great way to counter Simon’s vagueness. 

It’s also your right to inform people how you want to be treated at work.

What does assertive communication look like? 

1. Factual and evidence-based based

2. Free of hyperbole and emotion

Work to remove words like “never” and “always”. These are inflammatory and will ensure defensiveness from Simon.

Pro tip: follow the ‘situation, behavior, impact’ framework to help structure your discussion. 

Situation - the sales meeting. 

Behavior - eye rolling and undermining jokes. 

Impact -  frustration? Confusion? That’s up to you. 

Yes, it might feel a little awkward, but if it means you’re free from ongoing BS then happy days.

That’s about it, toodle-oo 👋